feel myself relapsing. this shit happening in my family has me about 85% worn down. normally i have to fight it once or twice a week. for the last few weeks it’s been everyday and now it’s on my mind all the time. my dear one has been so supportive and understanding and patient. i don’t know how to tell him that what i want more than anything in the world is the sound of a pill being crushed and the burn of it in my sinuses and the taste of the drip in my throat. everyone wants to talk to me about the upheaval of my family and i can’t respond to anyone and now i just don’t even read their messages because i can’t fucking bear to think about any of this. i want xanax and dilaudid  and vicodin and percs and morphine and all the shit i rotated depending on availabiliy for years of my life. and i want to drink vodka every night until i can’t keep my eyes open like i used to. i want to underestimate the potency of the pills i put up my nose so much that my system rebels and tries to make me throw it up. my anxiety is bringing up my nervous ticks, cracking all the joints in my fingers compulsively and making them painful to move, feeling my skin crawl and imagining parasites in my body, not being able to sleep, feeling like everyone around me is watching me and that i’m not good enough, physically, emotionally, or mentally, to perform my job and be a girlfriend and daughter and sister and be alone at home after work without staring at the razor blades i put next to my bed and trying desperately to distract myself from the increasing urges to hurt myself. i think i’m just not cut out for my own life. i’m just a weak person.


i would just like to take a moment to bring to your attention the ultra talent possessed by this young man. 

beyoncebeytwice:

shavingryansprivates:

methlabrador:

everybodys dad has a weird obsession with something

drinking

oh

sex. he asked me for sex. he molested my big brother. he cheated on my mother with a smack whore and stole two grand from my little brother to finance her addiction and living expenses. thanks, you fuck.

(Source: mattressblowoutsale)

i have so much to say about this shit happening in my family and no idea where to even start. the man formerly known as my adopted dad has lost his entire family. his two children from his first marriage haven’t been in stable contact with us for as long as i can remember. maybe once every two years i’d see them and i never understood why until now. that rat bastard has been having an affair with a heroine addicted prostitute for the better half of a year. For weeks, I was the only one who knew. Then he propositioned me for sex with him and another couple he found on craigslist. when my little brother found out by finding a prepaid cellphone in the man’s car and seeing him walk her out of our house one night. The next day, the bastard told my mother he wanted a divorce, but not why. Eventually she found out about the whore, so i told her about his sick suggestion to me. Now that’s out, i’ve learned that he molested my older brother and beat my older sister before either of them were even old enough to read. This week, I’ve gotten messages from several family members, including the older siblings, wanting to talk about this shit, letting me know they’re there, etc, that i don’t even have a relationship with. i don’t answer the phone when my mom or brother call because i’m terrified of what sick fucking history i’ll learn next. how could his first wife let my mother marry a monster like that? how could she not tell anyone what he was, especially since he’s a teacher of middle school children and had another son. people never change, not when the brain is diseased and rotted and twisted enough to make a man molest and beat his own children, bring a junkie whore into our house to shoot heroin in her veins in the room next to my little brother, betray and abandon my mother who suffers from fibromyalgia and numerous other sources of chronic pain as well as depression, and steal $2000 from my little brother who has been working over 60 hours a week since May. I’ve just started a new job and only have three months under my belt living without pills and a tendency to drink myself to sleep without meaning to and i simply cannot fucking handle this shit in my life. and all these relatives i haven’t even spoken to for years are trying to reach out to me and it just reminds me all the time that my childhood is mostly a blackout and i don’t know why and i lived for 21 years under the same roof as a child molester and abuser. this stain on my life disgusts me and i hate to see it and my family won’t let me forget. i want my brother to have his money paid back, warn his employers of his history of child abuse, and then set his car on fire with him inside it. i cannot sleep, my skin crawls, and i’m disgusted with the truth. all i want is to fucking escape. there will come a time when i won’t be able to live in this state without killing that man. i just want to forget.

Melanie Price | Facebook

Melanie Price, everyone. This beautiful lady expresses everything I have felt about this absurd ice bucket challenge sweeping the nation. This incredibly intelligent sun goddess of beauty, compassion, and benevolence tells you exactly what you can do when one of your friends nominates you for this challenge and goes a step further. I had the honor of working with her at Aqua Sol about a year ago and now she’s moved to California and worked on the sets of some hugely successful tv series. You should all know who she is and keep an eye out for this wonderfully talented future star.

Closed captioning and other consideration provided by Mescaline Airlines: It’s the only way to fly!

808sncupcakes:

Perfect

(Source: madelyncook)

neurochemical:

neurochemical:

im at a hotel and the people in the room next to my room started having sex and i timed it and he only lasted for 54 seconds and i think they can hear me laughing now

UPDATE: they just banged on the wall and it only made me laugh harder because dude you can bang a wall but not your girlfriend

(Source: mikisayama)


"The goal was to find a way to get into the head of a child,” - Stephen Frankfurt, title designer

(Source: nortonings)

Nobody drinks a bottle of vodka for fun, and that’s a damn fact.
The most sober thing a drunk person could say (via fuglyhottie)

(Source: whispering-secrets-and-smoke)


(Source: asylum-art)


lilaira:

ocelotcommander:

daftcake:

omg did u see that ghost

When I saw that and thought it can’t get better

it did

(Source: bestvines12)

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gueule-de-loupviolette:

Irving Penn- F.Franklin et Alexandra Danilova,1948.

gueule-de-loupviolette:

Irving Penn- F.Franklin et Alexandra Danilova,1948.

730

Character Design from Dumbo by Joe Grant

Character Design from Dumbo by Joe Grant

(Source: disneyconceptsandstuff)


Theme Urban, by Max davis.